. . . that saved a wretch like me.
Sin, wickedness, evil, ungodliness, iniquity, wretchedness these are all concepts used in the Bible to describe human beings who are out of sync with God, in danger of judgment, or worse.
When I was a child in Sunday School, I did not think much about those words. I knew both from the Bible and personal experience that people do wrong things. By the time I had become a young man, I knew myself as being among that number. I recognized that I fit the description of a sinner well enough, but I never considered myself wicked, or evil. But when I was eighteen, while reading the Psalms, the use of the term, “the wicked” disturbed me. At first I denied that I was wicked. That was just too much. Sure, I was a naughty sinner, but wicked? Never!
All that year, the Bible descriptions of sinfulness plagued me. I found myself in varying degrees of mental and emotional discomfort. Now I know that it was the Holy Spirit dealing with me about repentance. I doubt there were any of my compatriots who worried about such things, but it bothered me.
Many conversations with my mother, a Christian, and other Christians followed. I protested that the Bible would use such pejorative language. What right did anyone have to call another “a sinner?” It seemed like the worst kind of insult. Are not all people basically good? Well, I launched all sorts of arguments and disapproving remonstrations that year. It was a controversy with me. I took it personally. After all, why use such a heavily laden word as “SIN” to describe mere human behavior? Why make any human behavior an issue between human beings and God? Why not just assign it a more general term like, ignorance, or selfishness, or personal perspective? SIN? That was going too far. It was coercive and judgmental. How dare anyone use such language? Such things should be stopped. That was my view at that time. I hated it.
Well, many things happened that year that brought me to my knees, as they say. If you want to know what, let me know, I’ll direct you to an account of those things that you can read for yourself. It is far too long and involved to go into here. However, the upshot of the story is that I no longer disagree with the use of such terms. I believe they are very good terms, and that they bring things to the surface in such ways as to give clarity and aid for one such as I.
After I became a Christ-Follower (and that was NOT easy for me), I ran into similar objections about the use of the word sin in the churches. Many folks, even Christians, did not like to think of themselves as sinners. They protest. They fudge. They wiggle and squirm, but not I. No longer do I chafe under the weight and implication of that word. It is okay if others do not wish to think of themselves as sinners. God is able to convince them otherwise. That is not my task. Besides, I would just mess that up like everything else I lay my hand to. Without God’s help, I have never – and will never – do anything worthy of praise in my life. The only good has been what has been done in God. I screw up everything else. I cannot help it. I am broken beyond repair. I don’t need a fix; I need a complete death and resurrection. My lot is hopeless without Christ. Jesus is not my crutch; he is my complete salvation. Without the Spirit of God, I am a completely wicked man, without hope in this world, and certainly without a place of rest in the next. When people notice that I am still wicked today, they should not be surprised, they should nod their heads in understanding that my sinful condition is every man’s lot. My wickedness is the reflection of every woman’s condition without God. My wickedness it a reminder of their own.
Here, then, is the point to this blog entry. The Bible, if read aright, is not a book that will comfort the heart, until the heart is ready for repentance. It is an offensive book that will infuriate and polarize the rebellious soul. In its reading, one will either turn toward God or away from Him. There is no middle ground with God, one must yield with one’s whole heart, or miss the high calling to which God has called all of his children.
Where does that leave me now? Well, it leaves me low – and high. An understanding of my own wickedness has brought me low. It has not merely humbled me in some nice religious sense, it has utterly humiliated me – but in that humiliation I have found a place of peace in this life and (hopefully) a place of rest from the weariness of sin in the next.
I cannot, and do not, claim that my soul is completely well. It is not, but it has received with Francis Schaeffer calls, in his book, True Spirituality, "Substantial Healing." And I see evidence that healing is coming to me gradually, but substantially. I no longer love that which I loved earlier in my life. I once loved my sins and hated Christ, but now I love Christ, and hate my sins; a sign, the Bible says, that I am being saved. Things are better than they were, but I am not nearly what I ought to be - not yet.
God is doing a truly wonderful work in my life, but there is SO much more ground to cover. I have been brought so very low by my sins, but I am hopeful about the future. Not that I might become better than all those OTHER sinners in the world. No. I cannot speak for others, and I do not judge any other person. I am merely hopeful that there will be a day when my own sins will cease; forever.
I have an inexplicably solid and joyful expectation that there will be a day when I enter into rest from the sins that have plagued my soul these many years. I am joyous that one day, my repentance will be complete, when I look on the face of my savior, Jesus Christ. I tell you, I trust him alone to do that work which religion never could - not in a million years. He alone is the healer of my soul, and I love him for it. It took me a long time to see that Jesus did not come to make my life unpleasant, but to bring to me a quality of life that can only come through an impossible operation of the Spirit.
I see more all the time what a sinful man I use to be. I am grieved every day about the evils that still linger in my heart. But, I am hopeful that in the future, this agony will be soothed with the sweet comfort of a new body, a new mind, a new name, and full access into the benefits of God's merciful eternal life. The thought is staggering; one day will see my Lord's dear face, and he will give me a new name, a good name, a right name, a strong name; he will heal me and I will be changed.
As my brother Paul said, “I am chief of sinners.” I know what he meant. The longer one walks this road with Christ, the more intolerable one’s sins appear to themself, and the more anxious one is for the change that is promised.
God never asked any of us to “be nice” so we could go to heaven. That is not what being a Christ-Follower is about. God commands us to come to the cross of Jesus and to die with Christ. It is only through his death that we will be released from this world of sin. It is only by conforming to that death that we will have an opportunity to be transformed by his resurrection.
The kind of death we choose is the only issue at hand. Will we choose a death of our own making, or will we choose the one of God’s making? It is not the fact of our death that is important, because that is a foregone conclusion. We all will die. A little while, and we will be what the great artist Michelangelo called, "dust in the sun."
It's not the fact of our death that matters, it is the nature of that death that matters. Will we die without Christ, or with we die in Christ, for the dead in Christ will rise again. No grave can hold them down.
The message that we are sinners - that we must come to the cross of Jesus - that there is but one path to salvation is NOT a negative message, it is part of the GOOD NEWS, for without it we would never seek the Lord, or learn to respect him.
The Good News, is that there IS a path - a sure path - an open path to God. When a humble soul hears that message it is glad. It rejoices that there is a definite path to God and it does not protest that there ought to be more. The proud soul, however, will stumble over that message and will certainly miss the best for themselves. God, in his great love, calls us to humility, to weakness, and to singleness of heart. He calls us to a salvation that is certain in Jesus.
The Apostle says it best when he writes, “ 51 Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— 52 in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. 53 For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. 54 When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory." 1 Cor 15:51-54 – NIV
The good news is that there is hope for such a one as I, and if there is hope for an old wicked sinner like me, then without a single doubt, there is definitely hope for you, dear friend. Do not despair. Do not give up. Do not dodge or duck the truth of what we are. Just look up, and call on Jesus today, because our redemption is growing closer with every tick of the clock.
